Lost in the Mix
Like a seven layer dip, the life of a mother has a lot of layers but with very thin borders or boundaries between them. With each scoop those layers blend together and the crucial but subtle ingredients get lost in the mix.
I often wonder if this mom gig would be easier if our roles and responsibilities ran more on a schedule that I could compartmentalize the demands of being a parent. On Mondays and Wednesdays I clean and complete all to-do lists. Tuesdays and Thursdays are reserved for meal prep, practices, and talking about feelings while Friday I punch out at noon for self care and prepare for date night full of rich conversation and intentionality. There would be no blurred lines, no juggling, no multi-tasking. You get the idea; clean, easy, and definitely not draining. But let’s be honest, that’s just not the way it works.
In truth, my brain often feels like seven layer dip after long days of playing, cleaning, working, disciplining, practices and bedtimes. I use my last bit of energy to crawl into bed, and as I nestle in, I look to my right and find this other human next to me, “Hi there husband. I’m your wife. Nice to see you.” And in that moment as we both crawl into bed it hits me,
We have lost each other in the mix.
More days than I want to admit, my husband and I lose the art of being spouses and lovers and allow a subtle rhythm of separateness to creep in and turn us into teammates. If we fail to be intentional, those needed date nights take the form of evenings at the ballpark or in front of the tv, and conversation takes a turn in the direction of daily debriefs and chaos management. We may spend a lot of time together but don’t always connect. We talk a lot, mostly about schedules and game plans, but sometimes I miss hearing his heart.
It’s not that he or I intend for it to be this way, but in the spirit of “holding it all together,” we grab the jersey and huddle up.
There’s a time for teammates, but if we don’t ever hang up the jerseys our marriage can go stale. And if we allow for our marriage to go stale, there is no sense of home or security for our children to dip into. Someone once said, “Intentional days create a life on purpose.” In the same way, when we are intentional with our spouse we build a strong marriage on purpose.
Parents, even with all the faults, our spouses are gifts. They are what God uses to refine us into all that he has called us to be. So get dolled up, get the sitter, go out to dinner and even take that kidless vacation. Real connection with them is worth fighting for. In all the schedules, in all the tired, and all the parenting mess, let’s not let them get lost in the mix. For many reasons but one of them being this:
Loving our kids well means loving our spouse well.